Friday, December 4, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Hacksaw Win.
I'm having Thanksgiving at my friend Sarah's house today. This morning we went to Wal-Mart so she could get a good deal on a Cricut. I went as back up and threw some elbows around. It was fun, mostly because I was delirous from lack of sleep.
After our nap, Sarah decides she wants to put the turkey (we named him Chuck) in the oven. Problem: we can't get the legs out of the metal clamp thingy. We pushed, we pulled, we memorized the directions (and tried to follow them), but were very unsuccessful. Finally Sarah, in all her creativity, pulled out a small hacksaw. Thats right. I kept Chuck from squirming and Sarah sawed away. Little bits of the metal dropped on to Chuck, but she washed it off. I've just made a mental note to stay away from that half of the turkey.
Maybe next year, we can retire the hacksaw. Or just buy the turkey pre-made.
After our nap, Sarah decides she wants to put the turkey (we named him Chuck) in the oven. Problem: we can't get the legs out of the metal clamp thingy. We pushed, we pulled, we memorized the directions (and tried to follow them), but were very unsuccessful. Finally Sarah, in all her creativity, pulled out a small hacksaw. Thats right. I kept Chuck from squirming and Sarah sawed away. Little bits of the metal dropped on to Chuck, but she washed it off. I've just made a mental note to stay away from that half of the turkey.
Maybe next year, we can retire the hacksaw. Or just buy the turkey pre-made.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Oh Yes I Did.
After the conference, we stopped at a circus cemetary in Hugo on our way back. It was wierd...And cool. Except for the part where something fell out of a tree, landed on my face and bit my chin. Yes, I got stung/bit by some unknown insect. And then I got chased by bees (or something else that buzzes). I think there was a spirit out to get me. Probably because I was stomping on her headstone. I didn't mean to though. I was reading it and a creepy spider crawled across it. Instincts kicked in and after about the 3rd stomp, my friends were asking what the hell I was doing. By the time we left, my swollen chin and I had aquired a disdain for pine trees and cob-webbed headstones.
On our way back from Hugo, we thought of what disease and dessert we would be. I decided I'd be alzheimers and...something chocolate.
On our way back from Hugo, we thought of what disease and dessert we would be. I decided I'd be alzheimers and...something chocolate.
Oh No You Didn't.
I went to a conference in Arkansas last weekend. On the way there my group started a whole "thats what she/he said" kick. When we got to the conference, we decided to take notes that pertained to "thats what she said." It kept us entertained. The keynote speaker talked about Shakespeare, which generated many good notes. Aaand here they are:
1. The interaction that exists between studens and teachers...
2. Without furher adieu..
3. Enter the King
4. Richardson asks him to literally get up.
5. This is a very typical patch
6. ...is one of the biggest challenges she faces.
7. We live in a visual world, where children are educated through the "eyes."
8. "riding" was unstable.
9. Allow me one slight digression..
10. It is not a general ornament, but a social affirmation of his humanity.
11. Needless to say, it is a rather large assembly.
12. I did consent.
13. It moves effortlessly.
14. His forward movement is insistent.
15. ...what we might call today firmly rounded.
16. It proceeds from nature rather than art.
17. Here's a brief sample.
18. Where's satisfaction? It is impossible you should see this!
19. Quite simply put, he begins to sound like God.
20. He shouts out "goats and monkeys!"
21. ...quite literally in this case to rise to the level of his crown.
22. He begins to lose the ability to express himself in complete or coherent sentences.
23. You might become quite surprised.
24. NOW you understand whats happening.
25. ..you get that rhythm, you start the engine.
26. It's simply a matter of doing it- practice, practice, practice!
27. Everybody wants to be original.
28. When you see a student "getting it"
29. Most of us are not gonna have a big impact.
30. (this one was a question, which came from a member of the audience)- Can you give us one of those? One of those "Wow" moments?
There were a few more from other presenters at the conference, including "to come with a well informed mind" and "the man is supposed to provide support for the woman," but I can always post those at a later date. I dont want to overload you...thats what she said.
1. The interaction that exists between studens and teachers...
2. Without furher adieu..
3. Enter the King
4. Richardson asks him to literally get up.
5. This is a very typical patch
6. ...is one of the biggest challenges she faces.
7. We live in a visual world, where children are educated through the "eyes."
8. "riding" was unstable.
9. Allow me one slight digression..
10. It is not a general ornament, but a social affirmation of his humanity.
11. Needless to say, it is a rather large assembly.
12. I did consent.
13. It moves effortlessly.
14. His forward movement is insistent.
15. ...what we might call today firmly rounded.
16. It proceeds from nature rather than art.
17. Here's a brief sample.
18. Where's satisfaction? It is impossible you should see this!
19. Quite simply put, he begins to sound like God.
20. He shouts out "goats and monkeys!"
21. ...quite literally in this case to rise to the level of his crown.
22. He begins to lose the ability to express himself in complete or coherent sentences.
23. You might become quite surprised.
24. NOW you understand whats happening.
25. ..you get that rhythm, you start the engine.
26. It's simply a matter of doing it- practice, practice, practice!
27. Everybody wants to be original.
28. When you see a student "getting it"
29. Most of us are not gonna have a big impact.
30. (this one was a question, which came from a member of the audience)- Can you give us one of those? One of those "Wow" moments?
There were a few more from other presenters at the conference, including "to come with a well informed mind" and "the man is supposed to provide support for the woman," but I can always post those at a later date. I dont want to overload you...thats what she said.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I Am Them
Woman Calls the Cops On… Herself
Clark County, Wisconsin - 911 dispatchers often get calls from people observing an impaired driver on the road. What makes the call Mary Strey made unique, is that she called 911 on herself.
"Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road," she told the 911 dispatcher.
The dispatcher asked if the Strey was behind the drunk driver, to which she replied "No, I am them."
The dispatcher asked, "Okay, so you're calling to report you're driving drunk?"
"Yes," Strey said.
The dispatcher told Strey to pull her vehicle over, and she complied. She waited for a deputy to arrive with her hazard lights flashing. According to the police report, Strey failed field sobriety tests, and a preliminary breath test showed she had a blood alcohol content of .19, more than twice the legal limit to drive.
She was given a citation for operating a vehicle with a prohibited alcohol content of .10 or more. She's due in court in December, facing charges of first offense operating under the influence.
(http://www.channel10.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=116662&catid=81)
Clark County, Wisconsin - 911 dispatchers often get calls from people observing an impaired driver on the road. What makes the call Mary Strey made unique, is that she called 911 on herself.
"Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road," she told the 911 dispatcher.
The dispatcher asked if the Strey was behind the drunk driver, to which she replied "No, I am them."
The dispatcher asked, "Okay, so you're calling to report you're driving drunk?"
"Yes," Strey said.
The dispatcher told Strey to pull her vehicle over, and she complied. She waited for a deputy to arrive with her hazard lights flashing. According to the police report, Strey failed field sobriety tests, and a preliminary breath test showed she had a blood alcohol content of .19, more than twice the legal limit to drive.
She was given a citation for operating a vehicle with a prohibited alcohol content of .10 or more. She's due in court in December, facing charges of first offense operating under the influence.
(http://www.channel10.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=116662&catid=81)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Ain't Got know Job But I'm Still Flyyyyyy
One of my friends asked me who I was. Wrong. He got this. And more.
I consider myself a younger version of Chelsea Handler. Minus the Jew. You'd think it would be difficult, not being a Jew and calling people Hitler or Nazi. But I think I have a distinct advantage over other Non-Jews who wish to make funny, slightly racist comments about hitler and his regime: I live in Oklahoma. Uneducated Rednecks are generally understanding of derogatory comments about genocide leaders, despite their ability to become a back-handed offense to the people who were murdered. These Uneducated Rednecks are also understanding of our latest president George W. Bush, and even find his inability to say the word "nuclear" endearing. I've never thought the mispronunciation of words was cute. Maybe funny and sad. I was 8 when I found out that my little sister couldn't say the word "yellow," but had no qualms babbling on about her doll's "lellow" dress. I immediately transformed into a tyrannical speech therapist, but gave up after concluding that she was "special" and most likely adopted. By the following week, she still couldnt say the word and I was convinced she was retarded, or at the very least, autistic.
Lately I've been planning on becoming a drug lord. However, I'm horrible at planning and I fear my only hope of achieving this illegal lifestyle is to work for my uncle. He's not exactly the high rollin dealer I'd like to pimp out crack for, but he's notorious in my family for his drunken schemes and pill addictions. Surely hes got some connections for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure he used to bein a gang. Bonus.
I consider myself a younger version of Chelsea Handler. Minus the Jew. You'd think it would be difficult, not being a Jew and calling people Hitler or Nazi. But I think I have a distinct advantage over other Non-Jews who wish to make funny, slightly racist comments about hitler and his regime: I live in Oklahoma. Uneducated Rednecks are generally understanding of derogatory comments about genocide leaders, despite their ability to become a back-handed offense to the people who were murdered. These Uneducated Rednecks are also understanding of our latest president George W. Bush, and even find his inability to say the word "nuclear" endearing. I've never thought the mispronunciation of words was cute. Maybe funny and sad. I was 8 when I found out that my little sister couldn't say the word "yellow," but had no qualms babbling on about her doll's "lellow" dress. I immediately transformed into a tyrannical speech therapist, but gave up after concluding that she was "special" and most likely adopted. By the following week, she still couldnt say the word and I was convinced she was retarded, or at the very least, autistic.
Lately I've been planning on becoming a drug lord. However, I'm horrible at planning and I fear my only hope of achieving this illegal lifestyle is to work for my uncle. He's not exactly the high rollin dealer I'd like to pimp out crack for, but he's notorious in my family for his drunken schemes and pill addictions. Surely hes got some connections for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure he used to bein a gang. Bonus.
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