I'm having Thanksgiving at my friend Sarah's house today. This morning we went to Wal-Mart so she could get a good deal on a Cricut. I went as back up and threw some elbows around. It was fun, mostly because I was delirous from lack of sleep.
After our nap, Sarah decides she wants to put the turkey (we named him Chuck) in the oven. Problem: we can't get the legs out of the metal clamp thingy. We pushed, we pulled, we memorized the directions (and tried to follow them), but were very unsuccessful. Finally Sarah, in all her creativity, pulled out a small hacksaw. Thats right. I kept Chuck from squirming and Sarah sawed away. Little bits of the metal dropped on to Chuck, but she washed it off. I've just made a mental note to stay away from that half of the turkey.
Maybe next year, we can retire the hacksaw. Or just buy the turkey pre-made.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Oh Yes I Did.
After the conference, we stopped at a circus cemetary in Hugo on our way back. It was wierd...And cool. Except for the part where something fell out of a tree, landed on my face and bit my chin. Yes, I got stung/bit by some unknown insect. And then I got chased by bees (or something else that buzzes). I think there was a spirit out to get me. Probably because I was stomping on her headstone. I didn't mean to though. I was reading it and a creepy spider crawled across it. Instincts kicked in and after about the 3rd stomp, my friends were asking what the hell I was doing. By the time we left, my swollen chin and I had aquired a disdain for pine trees and cob-webbed headstones.
On our way back from Hugo, we thought of what disease and dessert we would be. I decided I'd be alzheimers and...something chocolate.
On our way back from Hugo, we thought of what disease and dessert we would be. I decided I'd be alzheimers and...something chocolate.
Oh No You Didn't.
I went to a conference in Arkansas last weekend. On the way there my group started a whole "thats what she/he said" kick. When we got to the conference, we decided to take notes that pertained to "thats what she said." It kept us entertained. The keynote speaker talked about Shakespeare, which generated many good notes. Aaand here they are:
1. The interaction that exists between studens and teachers...
2. Without furher adieu..
3. Enter the King
4. Richardson asks him to literally get up.
5. This is a very typical patch
6. ...is one of the biggest challenges she faces.
7. We live in a visual world, where children are educated through the "eyes."
8. "riding" was unstable.
9. Allow me one slight digression..
10. It is not a general ornament, but a social affirmation of his humanity.
11. Needless to say, it is a rather large assembly.
12. I did consent.
13. It moves effortlessly.
14. His forward movement is insistent.
15. ...what we might call today firmly rounded.
16. It proceeds from nature rather than art.
17. Here's a brief sample.
18. Where's satisfaction? It is impossible you should see this!
19. Quite simply put, he begins to sound like God.
20. He shouts out "goats and monkeys!"
21. ...quite literally in this case to rise to the level of his crown.
22. He begins to lose the ability to express himself in complete or coherent sentences.
23. You might become quite surprised.
24. NOW you understand whats happening.
25. ..you get that rhythm, you start the engine.
26. It's simply a matter of doing it- practice, practice, practice!
27. Everybody wants to be original.
28. When you see a student "getting it"
29. Most of us are not gonna have a big impact.
30. (this one was a question, which came from a member of the audience)- Can you give us one of those? One of those "Wow" moments?
There were a few more from other presenters at the conference, including "to come with a well informed mind" and "the man is supposed to provide support for the woman," but I can always post those at a later date. I dont want to overload you...thats what she said.
1. The interaction that exists between studens and teachers...
2. Without furher adieu..
3. Enter the King
4. Richardson asks him to literally get up.
5. This is a very typical patch
6. ...is one of the biggest challenges she faces.
7. We live in a visual world, where children are educated through the "eyes."
8. "riding" was unstable.
9. Allow me one slight digression..
10. It is not a general ornament, but a social affirmation of his humanity.
11. Needless to say, it is a rather large assembly.
12. I did consent.
13. It moves effortlessly.
14. His forward movement is insistent.
15. ...what we might call today firmly rounded.
16. It proceeds from nature rather than art.
17. Here's a brief sample.
18. Where's satisfaction? It is impossible you should see this!
19. Quite simply put, he begins to sound like God.
20. He shouts out "goats and monkeys!"
21. ...quite literally in this case to rise to the level of his crown.
22. He begins to lose the ability to express himself in complete or coherent sentences.
23. You might become quite surprised.
24. NOW you understand whats happening.
25. ..you get that rhythm, you start the engine.
26. It's simply a matter of doing it- practice, practice, practice!
27. Everybody wants to be original.
28. When you see a student "getting it"
29. Most of us are not gonna have a big impact.
30. (this one was a question, which came from a member of the audience)- Can you give us one of those? One of those "Wow" moments?
There were a few more from other presenters at the conference, including "to come with a well informed mind" and "the man is supposed to provide support for the woman," but I can always post those at a later date. I dont want to overload you...thats what she said.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I Am Them
Woman Calls the Cops On… Herself
Clark County, Wisconsin - 911 dispatchers often get calls from people observing an impaired driver on the road. What makes the call Mary Strey made unique, is that she called 911 on herself.
"Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road," she told the 911 dispatcher.
The dispatcher asked if the Strey was behind the drunk driver, to which she replied "No, I am them."
The dispatcher asked, "Okay, so you're calling to report you're driving drunk?"
"Yes," Strey said.
The dispatcher told Strey to pull her vehicle over, and she complied. She waited for a deputy to arrive with her hazard lights flashing. According to the police report, Strey failed field sobriety tests, and a preliminary breath test showed she had a blood alcohol content of .19, more than twice the legal limit to drive.
She was given a citation for operating a vehicle with a prohibited alcohol content of .10 or more. She's due in court in December, facing charges of first offense operating under the influence.
(http://www.channel10.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=116662&catid=81)
Clark County, Wisconsin - 911 dispatchers often get calls from people observing an impaired driver on the road. What makes the call Mary Strey made unique, is that she called 911 on herself.
"Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road," she told the 911 dispatcher.
The dispatcher asked if the Strey was behind the drunk driver, to which she replied "No, I am them."
The dispatcher asked, "Okay, so you're calling to report you're driving drunk?"
"Yes," Strey said.
The dispatcher told Strey to pull her vehicle over, and she complied. She waited for a deputy to arrive with her hazard lights flashing. According to the police report, Strey failed field sobriety tests, and a preliminary breath test showed she had a blood alcohol content of .19, more than twice the legal limit to drive.
She was given a citation for operating a vehicle with a prohibited alcohol content of .10 or more. She's due in court in December, facing charges of first offense operating under the influence.
(http://www.channel10.com/news/national/story.aspx?storyid=116662&catid=81)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Ain't Got know Job But I'm Still Flyyyyyy
One of my friends asked me who I was. Wrong. He got this. And more.
I consider myself a younger version of Chelsea Handler. Minus the Jew. You'd think it would be difficult, not being a Jew and calling people Hitler or Nazi. But I think I have a distinct advantage over other Non-Jews who wish to make funny, slightly racist comments about hitler and his regime: I live in Oklahoma. Uneducated Rednecks are generally understanding of derogatory comments about genocide leaders, despite their ability to become a back-handed offense to the people who were murdered. These Uneducated Rednecks are also understanding of our latest president George W. Bush, and even find his inability to say the word "nuclear" endearing. I've never thought the mispronunciation of words was cute. Maybe funny and sad. I was 8 when I found out that my little sister couldn't say the word "yellow," but had no qualms babbling on about her doll's "lellow" dress. I immediately transformed into a tyrannical speech therapist, but gave up after concluding that she was "special" and most likely adopted. By the following week, she still couldnt say the word and I was convinced she was retarded, or at the very least, autistic.
Lately I've been planning on becoming a drug lord. However, I'm horrible at planning and I fear my only hope of achieving this illegal lifestyle is to work for my uncle. He's not exactly the high rollin dealer I'd like to pimp out crack for, but he's notorious in my family for his drunken schemes and pill addictions. Surely hes got some connections for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure he used to bein a gang. Bonus.
I consider myself a younger version of Chelsea Handler. Minus the Jew. You'd think it would be difficult, not being a Jew and calling people Hitler or Nazi. But I think I have a distinct advantage over other Non-Jews who wish to make funny, slightly racist comments about hitler and his regime: I live in Oklahoma. Uneducated Rednecks are generally understanding of derogatory comments about genocide leaders, despite their ability to become a back-handed offense to the people who were murdered. These Uneducated Rednecks are also understanding of our latest president George W. Bush, and even find his inability to say the word "nuclear" endearing. I've never thought the mispronunciation of words was cute. Maybe funny and sad. I was 8 when I found out that my little sister couldn't say the word "yellow," but had no qualms babbling on about her doll's "lellow" dress. I immediately transformed into a tyrannical speech therapist, but gave up after concluding that she was "special" and most likely adopted. By the following week, she still couldnt say the word and I was convinced she was retarded, or at the very least, autistic.
Lately I've been planning on becoming a drug lord. However, I'm horrible at planning and I fear my only hope of achieving this illegal lifestyle is to work for my uncle. He's not exactly the high rollin dealer I'd like to pimp out crack for, but he's notorious in my family for his drunken schemes and pill addictions. Surely hes got some connections for me. Plus, I'm pretty sure he used to bein a gang. Bonus.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tryna Catch Me Writin Nerdy
Doing homework. Making coffee. Checking list. And repeating.
Welcome to Friday Night Nerd Fright. Should've had it on Halloween. Damn.
In spirit of the night, I leave you with:
Welcome to Friday Night Nerd Fright. Should've had it on Halloween. Damn.
In spirit of the night, I leave you with:
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Rap it up
Literati had a poetry reading tonight. It was awesome. I teared up several times because I was doing such a good job at holding back my laughter.
"I cannot help being what I am, half wolf, half man."
I'm about to go watch another reading.
Blogged on College Lately today.
And had my Carl Sagan Fix.
"I cannot help being what I am, half wolf, half man."
I'm about to go watch another reading.
Blogged on College Lately today.
And had my Carl Sagan Fix.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Doo Wop That Thang
My day started with my car getting (another) flat tire. But wound up getting better when Hope texted to tell me she's coming to ada to visit. I still haven't found a decent thug name for her (I think we decided on something with the word "Booty" in it, which reminds me more of a pirate than a hardened criminal).
My mother sent me an email today for a job opening in Virginia for Homeland Security. Maybe, if I do well guarding my dad's house this week, he will write me a recommendation letter. I can only hope.
I'm doing pretty good this week at talking about all of my assignments, even discussing in detail the ideas I have for them, but then taking absolutely no action to write anything. On the plus side, I have done research. But then I get so tired of clicking "print" that actually typing become an unrealistic concept for me. Also, for this blog, it is difficult enough to post everyday. So transitions between ideas become low on my priority list.
Tonight I think I'm going to vintage to have a drink. I thought about running or even taking a bat and beating the shit out of a tree. A drink sounds like a good alternative to both of these.
My mother sent me an email today for a job opening in Virginia for Homeland Security. Maybe, if I do well guarding my dad's house this week, he will write me a recommendation letter. I can only hope.
I'm doing pretty good this week at talking about all of my assignments, even discussing in detail the ideas I have for them, but then taking absolutely no action to write anything. On the plus side, I have done research. But then I get so tired of clicking "print" that actually typing become an unrealistic concept for me. Also, for this blog, it is difficult enough to post everyday. So transitions between ideas become low on my priority list.
Tonight I think I'm going to vintage to have a drink. I thought about running or even taking a bat and beating the shit out of a tree. A drink sounds like a good alternative to both of these.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Security.
So I have to house/dog sit for my dad starting Thursday. Upside: A house to myself. Downside: A house far, far away from town.
I'm at my dad's house right now, avoiding homework and watching V. I always forget how paranoid he is. Example: I told him I should blog tonight. He asks why. I tell him. And now he is suspicious of Murphy. Which I find funny, mostly because I agree. People who don't eat fries aren't to be trusted.
Topic Change: I was supposed to start watching Freaks and Geeks with Levi this week. Fail.
I'm at my dad's house right now, avoiding homework and watching V. I always forget how paranoid he is. Example: I told him I should blog tonight. He asks why. I tell him. And now he is suspicious of Murphy. Which I find funny, mostly because I agree. People who don't eat fries aren't to be trusted.
Topic Change: I was supposed to start watching Freaks and Geeks with Levi this week. Fail.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Grandmaster Dash in the Furious 5 (weeks)
Things that annoy me:
-When my little sister needs help with English or college in general ands asks my mom for help, who in turn asks me. Because clearly, I dont have enough going on.
-When clients flag me down, like I'm a waitress who forgot their tap water.
-When I'm trying to do homework at home and my mother feels the need to interrupt me every 10.2 seconds.
-My car breaking down.
-September. And more recently, October. November may soon be added to this list. If it does, I may just sum it up as Fall 2009.
-Idiots.
Things I like:
-Learning NEW things, not things which are useless or obvious.
-The fact that there is a masters program in Amsterdam for RAP: Rhetoric, Argumentation Theory and Philosophy.
-When I am motivated. It doesnt happen very often, but when it does, it rocks my world.
-My friends and (mostly) my family.
-The "classics" book section at Hastings. Everytime I get there, it feels like Christmas. I have to refrain from buying things b/c I fear I'll be the cranky old cat lady with 2 copies of every book.
-The fact that school is over in about 5 weeks. Success.
-When my little sister needs help with English or college in general ands asks my mom for help, who in turn asks me. Because clearly, I dont have enough going on.
-When clients flag me down, like I'm a waitress who forgot their tap water.
-When I'm trying to do homework at home and my mother feels the need to interrupt me every 10.2 seconds.
-My car breaking down.
-September. And more recently, October. November may soon be added to this list. If it does, I may just sum it up as Fall 2009.
-Idiots.
Things I like:
-Learning NEW things, not things which are useless or obvious.
-The fact that there is a masters program in Amsterdam for RAP: Rhetoric, Argumentation Theory and Philosophy.
-When I am motivated. It doesnt happen very often, but when it does, it rocks my world.
-My friends and (mostly) my family.
-The "classics" book section at Hastings. Everytime I get there, it feels like Christmas. I have to refrain from buying things b/c I fear I'll be the cranky old cat lady with 2 copies of every book.
-The fact that school is over in about 5 weeks. Success.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Real Muthahpumkin G's
For Halloween I was a cheerleader. More specifically, I was my sister. It was horrifying. I ended up at KB's and Jenny's house, joining in singalongs about going to hell and low assholes. Mostly we sang these songs to scare people away from the party (which was pretty much everyone who wasn't wearing a homemade costume). The party turned into more of a techno-rave, which is always a bonus. Mainly because I can dance to it.
As far as school goes...
Revise 2 papers, write 4,
re-do my resume,
pay my graduation fee,
Continue working on The Art of Mediocrity project with Jenny,
A few more tests
and BAM. I'm a big girl.
I've also been thinking about starting a youtube account called Dear Chelsea, Please Hire Me.
As far as school goes...
Revise 2 papers, write 4,
re-do my resume,
pay my graduation fee,
Continue working on The Art of Mediocrity project with Jenny,
A few more tests
and BAM. I'm a big girl.
I've also been thinking about starting a youtube account called Dear Chelsea, Please Hire Me.
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